This is quite a personal one for me but I feel like I’m ready to talk about it. As you all know, I attend gigs, concerts, and festivals quite frequently in various different venues and locations. Sometimes I even write about them on this blog, but as some of you may be aware, I haven’t written a music blogpost for… months. In fact, I don’t think I will again.
Why Have I Not Written Music-Related Blogposts?
There are so many different reasons for this. Firstly, I haven’t gone to any gigs/concerts for a while now. Secondly, I haven’t really focused too much on music since I started this blog – I feel like fashion has always been the front-runner of this blog and my Instagram. Thirdly, since my decision to take blogging a lot more seriously, I’ve had to find my niche, and that is fashion and style. Music just felt like an after-thought. And fourth and finally, and perhaps most importantly, on the day of gigs/concerts, I decide to just… not attend, and this has sometimes left me content-less.
Why I Sometimes Don’t Go To Gigs
It might seem a little weird to decide to not attend on the day of the gig and trust me, I know. Why would I pay for the ticket and travel only to not go? I wish I had a straight answer. To cut a long story short, when I know I’m about to expose myself to an environment that I’m not familiar with, my mind immediately assumes the worst. For example, in October, I bought tickets and travel to see Jake Bugg at the De La Warr Pavilion in Bexhill. Hours before the gig, I decided not to go. I thought to myself, “well, what if I don’t have a good time? What if I don’t enjoy myself? It was only £x, I’m gonna see him again anyway so…” Despite looking forward to seeing him perform live, I managed to talk myself out of it.
This has happened so many times – BST Hyde Park 2016, J Cole, Wild Life 2017, Troye Sivan, Lorde and Khalid – and often, I do end up going, especially if I’m going with friends. I’ve had to convince myself to attend shows in hopes to not disappoint my friends. Who likes a flaky friend anyway, right? However, when I know I’m going on my own, I know that the only person I’m going to disappoint is myself so… I do. It is a struggle that I’m constantly trying to overcome.
Will I Make Music-Related Posts In The Future?
I’ve always been careful with using the terms “anxiety” and “social anxiety” – I have not been professionally diagnosed with either so I will refrain from using them. However, it’s becoming increasingly clear that I find myself feeling anxious in certain social situations, which is difficult when you’re a frequent concert-goer. It is especially frustrating when you rely on shows for content. There have been moments during gigs/concerts that my mind shuts down and I’m no longer enjoying myself but I stayed because I needed content for that week. And have you ever tried leaving a concert from front row?! It’s practically impossible.
As I mentioned earlier, I’ve had to find my niche in the blogosphere and for the moment, that’s fashion and style. Perhaps in the future, I will venture out to lifestyle posts and include some music-related topics. For now, all of my focus is on fashion.
I have some concerts already planned for 2018 and I’m pretty excited: Kendrick Lamar, Ed Sheeran, and BST Hyde Park 2018 with Bruno Mars and Khalid. As for festivals, I’d love to go to Wild Life and Reading again, and maybe Wireless this year.
I know some of you will understand and others might not, so if you can relate in any way then I’d love to extend this discussion with you. Perhaps we can help each other. Drop me a Direct Message on Instagram or Email me.
What I’m wearing: